Princess Poppy? I hope not.

On a car the other day, I saw sticker which said “Princess on-Board”. It made me think- is Poppy a princess? I’m hoping not. Princesses are doomed, from what I can tell. Here’s 10 reasons I think Poppy’s better off not being a Princess.

1. There’s always someone out to get you- a wicked queen, an evil prince, trolls, witches, paparazzi.
2. Sleep is always going to be a problem- whether it’s sleeping for a hundred years, or not getting a decent night’s kip because someone put a pea under the mattress.
3. Would you kiss a frog? Regardless of what it may turn into, you still have to pucker up to something green and slimy.
4. No matter what a princess believes, not everything can be fixed because you have great clothes and hair- like land-mines, aids, poverty.
5. Princesses are not great at helping themselves, and need to be rescued frequently- by a handsome prince for example.
6. Princesses are not known for their intellect, and don’t go onto higher education. Who ever heard of Princess Buttercup PhD?
7. Princesses never know how to fight, or punch or kick, and will (in most cases) stand in the corner squealing, waiting to be rescued.
8. Princesses have guaranteed lousy taste in men- ending up with philanderers, playboys, soldiers, reformed monsters or dodgy princes. (Prince Charming for example- for one thing, he calls himself “charming”- doesn’t that smack of just a little egotism?)
9. Princesses don’t travel well, and require Chauffeurs, footmen, valets, and everything in first class. All of the chauffeurs, footmen and valets will write their memoirs afterwards of course, so there are no secrets.
10. Everyone knows everything about princesses- clothes size, medical problems, holiday destinations (including favorite rehab centre), who’s the latest squeeze, where’s good to ski, drink, party etc. A bit of privacy please.

Deird says if we have a princess,  it has to be a warrior princess (Xena). ho hum.